let me fill you in.

(sorry for the huge run on sentence and one big paragraph)

when is it going to end? this world has lost its meening and its values. not only that but it has lost its soul, people killing people for power and greed, nobody helping without personal gain. when? when is love going to shine down on earth? why cant we just destroy ourselves and get it over allready? it seems like every day the burden gets heavier and heavier. the need to help and also to satisfy myself grows more and more greater. it seems like i cant go a day without doing some nice and getting it thrown back into my face three fold. its just not fair to do nothing but want to help and be accepted as a helping hand and have it thrown in your face. and not a day goes by where i am not thinking about just ending my own life. call it selfish call it cowardice, but i know its just how it has to be. our fate is not in our own hands,but in the hands of others. too bad we dont realize it huh? the main portion of the world is in total darkness for the few people who are trying to make this world a better place I'I'm sorry, but you have lost one more. i have no place on this earth, maybe my next life will have a place for, if not i will just keep trying. i have tried my best, but its not working and "trying" things is not enough to keep my mind strait. it also seems that whenever i am concious i have no control over my thoughts, if i dont keep my mind thinking then i become mentaly insane, every thought every second, i could be thinking about death one second and then what kind of task i am going to be doing tomorrow, how much i need to pay for this bottle of water, how i am going to survive this world and make a difference. always watching, thinking doing, no sleep no rest, always constantly thinking and doing. throwing out my hand to the drowning victim to save them from themselves, but just getting an empty gesture instead, me having to think for other people and controlling what they do and trying to set them on a direct path towards mental freedom and security, the belief of believing in everything and just not something, it makes me want to cry everytime i hear someone say that they care and then get the cold spike to the heart, people caring and then turn their backs right when they are needed the most, people killing eachother just because they are doing what they think is right, i wil ltell you something and if its the only thing you bother to read on this page then heed this: dont kill, share. share idea's traditions, souls, lives, conversations, money, profits, losses, family, friends, worlds. better yet, share eachother emotionaly, physicaly. dont hate someone just because they are different, dont kill someone just because there idea of a better world isnt what you see it as. and if you have the urge to kill someone kill somebody who has betrayed the world, kill someone who has earned the mark of a dead man. but do not kill out of anger, do not kill out of greed and most important do not kill out of selfishness. i sit here typing this as people kill and are killed for no reason, heed warning for all those kill you will be killed, not by me, but by your brothers, sisters and relatives, they will shun you out there lives for being a bad person in the world. i can only help in this world, for if you tread, tread lightly for you are treading on my dreams. please do not let people tread on yours, if you want to do something in life do it, dont wait until the last minute, when you have the opportunity do it! life is for living live it already, dont wait until your life is over to say "i should have" those are the worst possible statements you can make, if you have a bad feeling about something, then just take caution, watch yourself and others. just please be a better person in the world, as a world we cam expand our idea's and thoughts, if we cannot get over ourselves then we will ALL perish from the face of the earth. if we do not stop this now then we ALL DIE i cannot go a day without crying at how i cannot help enough to make a difference in the world, i just can't i have no regrets in this world except for that i couldnt make it better, my freedom is a burden to me, i wouldnt be suprised if i had to die just to feel free. i only wish i could just spread my wings and fly home. my home seems to be the only place where i can feel and be loved without hurting myself by helping others. I'm sorry if this is not what you where looking to read today or if it somehow infected your thoughts or disrespected you in any way, but this is my mind, this is what i think, maybe someday you can see it from my point of view, or maybe it will be too dark for you, either way; believe in a better world.